Thursday, September 24, 2009

Why am I like this ?

L “So are you excited that you are getting married this year” Moi, ” Not really.”

L .” oh is it ? hmm.. why ? if I may ask.”

Moi, ” What is there to marriage ? just coz I sign a legal document things should be exciting ?”

L .” Well I was excited coz I was going to be making a home now with a man I love.”

Moi..” I made a home with a man I love, in NY, and then I made a home in CA alone and the man I love will move in with me when he comes to CA. I have lived with him , he is a great room mate so no surprises there too.”

L ” Well you are surely a different bride then. Usually women are excited about what they gonna wear, and the wedding arrangements, and the drama that surrounds it.”

Moi -” That is my point. Drama does not excite me. I think I would rather just get married in a small temple, with my parents and siblings and his parents and siblings and then we have a happy meal somewhere and probably just go for a weekend getaway somewhere as a family. We are planning this in India next year. But a wedding here is just a formality anyways.”

L ” Yeah you are probably right. I like your thinking. No frills.” Moi – ” I don’t know if I was always like this .”

WHY do I not like fancy weddings ? Why don’t I want to dress like those women in lehngas and jewellery. Why do I not want 1000 people to come eat at my wedding ? Why do I not want to spend 5 days celebrating weddings ? Why am I like this ?

I don’t know. I have answers to some of these. I don’t like drama. I don’t want to spend insane amount of money in silly parties. I love very few people and I want my wedding to be a private affair. I am ugly so those lehengas will look funny on me. I will not look good in jewellery because I have never looked good in those things. I will look even more ugly in all that glamour. Gimme my fabindia and my glasses and my Tiffany ring – bus I dnt want anything else. (ok Tiffany solitaires earings too please)

TBH is marrying me for what I am, knowing how bad I am , knowing how bad I can be. Why should I dress up for others ? When he has seen me the way he will see me for rest of our lives together. Why should I dress up for one day then ? Why ? What is this obsession with marriages?

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