Wednesday, September 30, 2009

I Am Going To Live Forever.

I haven’t had the chance to update lately because of the fact that I have been using my Windows side of the computer to play computer games, yes I spent the majority of my 2 week holiday back in Singapore enjoying the exceptionally fast internet here and all the computer games that I have missed out (Well not all). Coming back to Singapore reminds me of one key fact that I have completely forgotten while in Perth. That this nation is too hot for its own good, I’m okay with hot but this just had to be hot and HUMID at the same time. Sigh. I am reminded of all the things that I hate about the place, from it being too crowded to the fact that the attitudes of the people here have to change. Infact halfway through, i actually want to go back to Perth. Its seriously too hot and crowded in this nation. Its a bitch to come back from the city especially from 6-9pm because everyone seems to be going home at that time and everything is crowded, from MRT stations to Taxi stands. Arrgh.

Coming back was pleasant, it was nice to meet everyone again, while it was just three months it felt like quite a long time has passed. Of course three months isn’t long enough for people to change but I can tell there are somethings that are different now. Two weeks is a short break but it was worth it to have a change of pace (I think you could say it was an acceleration because Perth is such a slow and sleepy town). Going for church and attending Saturday Service was pleasant, it was as if I didn’t leave at all which is always good. Then came church anniversary, that reminded me of other things actually. Oh well its both a pleasant and unpleasant thing. The unpleasant thing is that it was really just too hot and really quite unbearable, dear God how did I survive 22 years of this??? It was really fun to meet up with the people that mattered alot to me, having supper with the people I’m closest to, watching a utterly terrible movie (seriously Gamer? wtf?) with the Brits, having dinner with them to discuss important issues like the “shopping spree” of Vietnam to the status of I-2 and talking with S till 7am as he stays over. (wow this feels so grammatically wrong but its 5.33am so fuck this shit). Oh yes forfeiting the FAME movie night with the church to have dinner with my two close army friends was quite worth it (really it is.), its not a friday night unless you are drinking margaritas during dinner and talking at the Void deck of some HDB making remarks of the education systems of Australia and Singapore (laughter and witty remarks abound).

Despite my deep dislike for the nation, I think coming back was good for me because I needed a break from Perth and all the stress that came along in school, you would think that there isn’t much stress and infact most of the stress was self generated but I believe that you need some stress to motivate you to do well, of course too much of it and you will suffer panic attacks and cry in your room when you try to study for an exam and panic because nothing is entering your brain! But then in the end most of the panic was unfounded because I got back my results today and I was very pleased with my own performance, for once I have passed everything in the term as compared to the many times that I usually only pass one or two subjects. UWA Law is slightly more achievable now because of this excellent Term 1 report. The reason I did so well this time is probably due to the fact that I only study all arts subjects and not a single science or maths subject. Anyway that will change next term as I embark on my first pseudo science subject of Geography. (Well some would argue that Geography is a science!).

This is random but I was lying on my bed trying to sleep when this crossed my mind, when I try to sleep my mind would sometimes wander away and think about things that I went through and things that I encountered in my life. Tonight my mind reminded me of something that a very close friend of mine mention to me once over the phone when I called him. “You seem more human now that I heard you crying.” So I wonder, do I seem that detached? I know that I’m quite unfazed when people tell me things that would normally shock people but really? I called him cause something had happened which caused me to cry and that was his remark to me after we talked for awhile. Not many people have seen me shed any tears before I think, so far I think only 4 people other than my mother and father have seen me cry and I do believe one of them was quite shocked at the fact that I was capable of shedding tears. Haha! So yes, am I that detached or do I portray an image of detachment to the point that some people are shocked to see me display emotions?

Sometimes I feel like I don’t matter to anyone. (Nic’s remark would be “the last time i checked, ’sometimes’ mean it’s a pretty rare occurrence.”) Dry deadpan remark aside, I really feel that way. You can say that I am overthinking and maybe I am but really sometimes when I see the way some people act around it. Either I don’t matter much at all to them or they actually don’t like it. You would think people don’t notice but I have my moments of perception and they happen to be always on when people act differently around me. I try not to let it bug me but argh, I am a weak human. So weak.

So I go back to Perth this sunday and I’m 50/50 on it. I am reminded the reasons why I dislike Singapore and want to leave but at the same time I am reminded of the excellent friendships that exist in this hellhole of a nation and then I don’t want to leave! I am indeed caught in between these two choices. I realise that I am neither satisfied in either cities, I find Perth to be quiet and sometimes quite boring especially when you don’t feel like staying in the whole day and at the same time I don’t like Singapore because its simply too damn crowded! Okay! 3 more days to enjoy whatever stuff Singapore has and whatever company that comes my way. I suppose I better make the most of it.

Seriously man, who the fuck makes a show like Gamer? I don’t like watching a movie and suddenly tits and ass suddenly appears on the screen. Once is fine. Twice is slightly irritating. BUT EVERY 10 MINS?! WTF?

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