I Am Going To Live Forever.

I haven’t had the chance to update lately because of the fact that I have been using my Windows side of the computer to play computer games, yes I spent the majority of my 2 week holiday back in Singapore enjoying the exceptionally fast internet here and all the computer games that I have missed out (Well not all). Coming back to Singapore reminds me of one key fact that I have completely forgotten while in Perth. That this nation is too hot for its own good, I’m okay with hot but this just had to be hot and HUMID at the same time. Sigh. I am reminded of all the things that I hate about the place, from it being too crowded to the fact that the attitudes of the people here have to change. Infact halfway through, i actually want to go back to Perth. Its seriously too hot and crowded in this nation. Its a bitch to come back from the city especially from 6-9pm because everyone seems to be going home at that time and everything is crowded, from MRT stations to Taxi stands. Arrgh.

Coming back was pleasant, it was nice to meet everyone again, while it was just three months it felt like quite a long time has passed. Of course three months isn’t long enough for people to change but I can tell there are somethings that are different now. Two weeks is a short break but it was worth it to have a change of pace (I think you could say it was an acceleration because Perth is such a slow and sleepy town). Going for church and attending Saturday Service was pleasant, it was as if I didn’t leave at all which is always good. Then came church anniversary, that reminded me of other things actually. Oh well its both a pleasant and unpleasant thing. The unpleasant thing is that it was really just too hot and really quite unbearable, dear God how did I survive 22 years of this??? It was really fun to meet up with the people that mattered alot to me, having supper with the people I’m closest to, watching a utterly terrible movie (seriously Gamer? wtf?) with the Brits, having dinner with them to discuss important issues like the “shopping spree” of Vietnam to the status of I-2 and talking with S till 7am as he stays over. (wow this feels so grammatically wrong but its 5.33am so fuck this shit). Oh yes forfeiting the FAME movie night with the church to have dinner with my two close army friends was quite worth it (really it is.), its not a friday night unless you are drinking margaritas during dinner and talking at the Void deck of some HDB making remarks of the education systems of Australia and Singapore (laughter and witty remarks abound).

Despite my deep dislike for the nation, I think coming back was good for me because I needed a break from Perth and all the stress that came along in school, you would think that there isn’t much stress and infact most of the stress was self generated but I believe that you need some stress to motivate you to do well, of course too much of it and you will suffer panic attacks and cry in your room when you try to study for an exam and panic because nothing is entering your brain! But then in the end most of the panic was unfounded because I got back my results today and I was very pleased with my own performance, for once I have passed everything in the term as compared to the many times that I usually only pass one or two subjects. UWA Law is slightly more achievable now because of this excellent Term 1 report. The reason I did so well this time is probably due to the fact that I only study all arts subjects and not a single science or maths subject. Anyway that will change next term as I embark on my first pseudo science subject of Geography. (Well some would argue that Geography is a science!).

This is random but I was lying on my bed trying to sleep when this crossed my mind, when I try to sleep my mind would sometimes wander away and think about things that I went through and things that I encountered in my life. Tonight my mind reminded me of something that a very close friend of mine mention to me once over the phone when I called him. “You seem more human now that I heard you crying.” So I wonder, do I seem that detached? I know that I’m quite unfazed when people tell me things that would normally shock people but really? I called him cause something had happened which caused me to cry and that was his remark to me after we talked for awhile. Not many people have seen me shed any tears before I think, so far I think only 4 people other than my mother and father have seen me cry and I do believe one of them was quite shocked at the fact that I was capable of shedding tears. Haha! So yes, am I that detached or do I portray an image of detachment to the point that some people are shocked to see me display emotions?

Sometimes I feel like I don’t matter to anyone. (Nic’s remark would be “the last time i checked, ’sometimes’ mean it’s a pretty rare occurrence.”) Dry deadpan remark aside, I really feel that way. You can say that I am overthinking and maybe I am but really sometimes when I see the way some people act around it. Either I don’t matter much at all to them or they actually don’t like it. You would think people don’t notice but I have my moments of perception and they happen to be always on when people act differently around me. I try not to let it bug me but argh, I am a weak human. So weak.

So I go back to Perth this sunday and I’m 50/50 on it. I am reminded the reasons why I dislike Singapore and want to leave but at the same time I am reminded of the excellent friendships that exist in this hellhole of a nation and then I don’t want to leave! I am indeed caught in between these two choices. I realise that I am neither satisfied in either cities, I find Perth to be quiet and sometimes quite boring especially when you don’t feel like staying in the whole day and at the same time I don’t like Singapore because its simply too damn crowded! Okay! 3 more days to enjoy whatever stuff Singapore has and whatever company that comes my way. I suppose I better make the most of it.

Seriously man, who the fuck makes a show like Gamer? I don’t like watching a movie and suddenly tits and ass suddenly appears on the screen. Once is fine. Twice is slightly irritating. BUT EVERY 10 MINS?! WTF?

I question myself.

As to what is truthfully healthy and what is not. Right and wrong, and the clarity of which, essentially, is supposed to protect us from harm. But what if this is not the case anymore? And I feel that the good cop’s gunna give me up at the end of the day? Then ‘good’ defeats its own purpose.

I spoke to someone new today and he made me realise one thing, I should (too) stop ‘becoming’, and start ‘being’.

So let’s go over me, and what we’ve known of me. Starting with the fact that I am capable of liking a guy just as much as I’d like the fairer gender. I have a boyfriend but our relationship has taught me one important lesson, amongst many others- that at this age, I should not expect more. That I should stray, and let stray… For all our sakes.

I am hurt. I am possibly more heartbroken right now than I have been in a very long time, and this is probably due to the fact that I didn’t really get the opportunity to heal my heart proper before bad luck gave me another hit yet again. And again. And again. A whole string of painful waves. I was drowning and I feel like I still am. I have been drowning for such a long time.

But nobody’s gotta see that. Cause nobody can fix it. I don’t know how. But maybe straying might be a good start, cause it keeps my mind busy, and my heart hibernates in the recovery ward.

this One's for the fellas: Smoking?

So I’ve had a good 48 hours of studying for this exam I’ve been bitching about I got some indirect advice from a twitter friend to listen to Kid Cudi’s Man on the Moon, I decided to celebrate my latest determination streak with a bogie (cigarette for those who don’t know my slang).

I can’t disclose all my information about where I smoked because my campus has housing rules & a “no smoking” policy but, it was a good time & view. I sat there staring and spotted a decent lookin fella as I heaved away at my Newport (they’re cheap – whatever). He looked, looked away, and moved on. Now his reaction could be the effect of a billion things BESIDES me having a cigarette in my hand, but it got me thinking. How do guys feel about women smoking?

Do they see this:

 or this:

 

Sorry Brit, had to do it.

 

What’s not too surprising to me is that it took me less than 30 seconds to find the picture of America’s sweetheart Miss Spears and probably a whole 5 minutes (which is a lifetime on the web) to find the first one.

The way i figure it’s one way or the other with guys.

1. They either think it’s unladylike for a woman to smoke – yet they do it.
2. They think it’s gross for her to do it for health reasons & they don’t smoke either.
3. They think it’s cool for her to hold his bogies or weed down but she can’t come into the stash because that’s his.
4. They think it’s cool to have someone to have that after-sex smoke with.
5. Or they don’t care ; do you, just make sure you get some mouthwash/gum before you lay your mouth on me & spray something so I don’t have the smelly girlfriend.

I mean, I’ve run into EVERYONE of these, down to the T – no mixes no excuses nothing.

Every guy has his prefrence – & maybe my little list covers EVERYTHING, who knows.

I’m not a smoker - I have one here and there. In a month I’ll probably smoke about 5 depending on it’s convenience. The pack I’ve got is leftovers from my cousin’s visit. You’re probably all thinking I’m putting this disclaimer so I don’t look bad – who’d give a fuck? I mean if a guy told me to not smoke at all I’d tell him to suck one. If anything I just don’t smoke around him.

Had an ex like that & he had the lil’est lil’ man ever so I guess that’s enough to say about over bearing men. BONGG! no shots … well yeah, no, that WAS DEF. a shot but I didn’t put his name out there. >=)

Comments anyone?

shape+colour + tumblr + vimeo.

Hey everyone. I don’t post about myself personally very often here, so first off a big thanks to everyone who’s reading shape+colour and to everyone who sends me their stuff, post ideas, or videos. You have no idea how much it means to me. The best part of all of this is when people share with me things I wouldn’t have found on my own.

I want to let you know about (and invite you to) some new facets to shape+colour: a Tumblr and a Vimeo. Why? Here’s why…

1. shape+colour on Tumblr.

Tumblr has been called a lot of things: microblogging, multi-media blogging, micro-media blogging, whatever. On shape+colour I try to curate my favourtie videos and artists and actually write about them. I think of it as an online gallery magazine; I want to share my thoughts about the work and the artists, and not just namelessly, wordlessly post.

Sometimes, though, I do find videos, images, or work that I think is rad but I don’t have much to say other than that. shape+colour on Tumblr is where I’ve started posting random shots, quotes, inspiration tidbits, and images that I’m into but that don’t warrant (for me) a full post on shape+colour. I also talk about what I’m up to personally. Or sometimes I just bitch and moan. I also swear more there. So, if you’re on Tumblr come tumbl with me.

2. shape+colour video on Vimeo

Vimeo is my favourite site on the net. I live for motion art (as you might’ve guessed) and so I started a shape+colour video channel on Vimeo. My hope here is to loop in more closely and share contacts/likes with other Vimeo users. I’ll be linking to all the videos that I post from Vimeo on shape+colour, but, like Tumblr, I’ll also be adding tons of videos that I like but that I don’t post here. I’m hoping this will create a quicky, sleek, easily searchable portal for all my fave vids on my fave site. So, again, if you’re on Vimeo let’s be contacts. If you’re a film-maker on Vimeo, or someone I’ve posted on before, please let me know so that I can subscribe to your updates.

nothing's real, but always possible.

Hey! My brain feels kinda numb at the moment. Hahahah. I, well all of us kancil students, were given 200 questions to do for each topic. It’s crazy. I’m not even done yet. I’m doing geography right now, and i’m up to number 135. Yesss. but then, i have history and maths to complete. This is so bleh.

I want to cut my hair. It’s so thick and hot, in a bad bad way. I don’t know when i will, but i will.

I cannot wait to write my story again! I’ve been waiting for so many months! I’m too happy. FOUR MORE DAYS TIL MY BIRTHDAY. I’m having a mixed feeling of sad and happy. Lol. I love you.

London Calling

I am back. This trip put a serious dent on my whole, “I am going to blog daily” extravaganza.

So be it. I had an awesome time, and I am now back to reality. *le sigh*

Don’t get me wrong. My reality is awesome. However, every time I am in London, I ask myself why I am not living there.

Complications, I guess. Condo, family, Ph.D, and a job I love. I haven’t given up on that idea, though. We shall see.

I know it pisses some people off, but how can I not miss London when what passes for culture in Orlando is Disney.

I’m sorry, but even as entertainment goes all the parks are okay, but not my thing. I can go ever so often, but I’d trade all the Disney in the world for more museums, theatres, etc.

London is definitely calling.

Natalia

Today, I am grateful for: Resilience.

In the Bathroom Doorway

I was in the office beside the bathroom at your sister’s.  In was nearing the time that you were going back to China.  You were brushing your teeth or something in the bathroom and I was checking my e-mail/blog.  It just hit me suddenly, “What am I doing?  I’m in here checking my e-mail while you’re in the bathroom and you’re about to leave.”  So I immediately got up to go hug you, but you were already on your way out of the bathroom and I almost ran into you as I came around the bathroom doorway.  Instead of running into you though, I was instantly in your arms.  I didn’t know if you’d known what I came for, or if it was on your mind too, but either way, we stood there in each other’s arms for several moments, not saying anything, in the bathroom doorway.

You have a fortune.

Count your blessings.

Say your prayers.

Life’s a gift and ain’t a RIGHT.

A look at these people’s plight in Philippines (Source: http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/afp_asiapacific/view/1007709/1/.html), you would understand how lucky we are to be in Singapore. Remember they didn’t ask to stay there. You were lucky.

and they have simple wishes.

all they want is

a SAFE home.

Tagged

So I was watching this music video I haven’t seen in a while, Dirty Vegas’s Walk Into The Sun. Basically the plot revolves around the characters in a restaurant and they’re all tagged. They have their identities, like the white girl that’s ignorant, and the black boy that’s ignored, the waitress that’s bored, then she serves coffee to the guy that’s alone.
So all in all, everyone has their entire character broken down into that one word. Everything they do, say, see, hear, feel and such is boiled down to that word. Their whole lives are defined by that one tag. Usually from a habit, like the junkie or the drunk, some a little more wordy, like the washed-up has-been. Others are age-defined. Preteens, tweens, teens, twenty-somethings, thirty-somethings, middle-aged, old…
But what is the purpose of this?
Human minds are made to compartmentalize. Groups of things are easier to process than individuals.
So are we wired to be prejudicial?
Perhaps not. Prejudice is a reaction to this compartmentalization, sometimes made easier by physical differences.
Safety in numbers… A herd mentality. That’s what ends up making the situation the way it is.
Labels… More than meets the eye.

Parfymerad landsbygd

Varje kanton i Schweiz, det finns 26 stycken all in all, har tydligen sitt rykte. I Zürich har man näsan i vädret och tror sig vars lite bättre än alla andra, Appenzell Ausserrhoden (där Susana kommer ifrån) är den mest konservativa, bakåtsträvande kantonen (rösträtt till kvinnor 1972), folk från Bern däremot ska prata mycket långsamt och ha ett intellekt som rör sig i motsvarande takt. Fribourgs rykte är tydligen att det luktar dynga.

Jo det är sant, Fribourg som ligger på landsbyggden en bit utanför huvudstaden och en bra bit från the high end stränderna vid Geneve sjön, anses vara lantligt. Jag tänkte på det nu i fredags när jag provade en ny jogging/promenadrunda i Gotteron dalen. Där ute i bokskogen som omsluter floden längst nere i dalen för att sedan klättra upp för branterna, kände jag plötsligt en stark bakverksdoft. Doftminnen av bröd, croissants, och framförallt pain chocolats kom av någon anledning över mig där ute i höstskogen. Jag har ingen aning om vad i en skog kan framkalla en sådan lukt, kanske är det något lagrat i den schweiziska jorden.

Efter ytterligare någon timme levde Fribourg emmellertid upp till sitt namn när klafsade jag omkring på en åker och bonden sure enough hade hunnit gödsla den rikligt med kodynga. Alla tidigare doftsensationer trängdes tyvärr bort ur näsan. Efter att rundan
blivit lite längre än jag tänkt mig och efter jag förföljts av en gårdsget på en av de mycket pittoreska (och egna) gårdarna i dalen var min kropp helt slut.

På kvällen var jag och Roland på en rafflande lokal bilingual fotbollsmatch; den franska tränaren skrek oavbrutet: “alléz les gars“, “ne dormez pas!”, “hopp, hopp” osv, medan den tyske stod med armarna i kors och munnen ihopnkipt. Båda insatserna verkade hjälpa lika mycket eftersom matchen slutade oavgjort. Vid det laget var jag genomfrusen. När jag klagade påpekade en av våra kompisar att det kunde vara eftersom dagens 20-gradiga solsken försvunnit medan jag fortfarande hade min tunna cardigan. Mycket riktigt var jag duktigt sjuk lördagsmorgon och kurerade mig igår genom att stanna hemma och kolla på Miss Suisse med Rolle och Keith.

alert!

i have not been out of the house for 4 days. T_T except the visit to the doctor. lol. so sian. having tuition later. i feel like i haven been studying for yrs. -.- didnt touch the books for 4 days. i neglected my temporary boyf —> the books. lol. i think there is something wrong with me man. i am still tired, having headaches and i cant sleep! worse thing is the doctor cant save me from not being able to sleep. who would give a 15yr old sleeping pills. -.-btw, governor of poker is really fun. alicia started it. lol. but wa lao. i never seem to be able to win. is like although i did win. i will still lose. maybe something is wrong. ._.

p.s: i swear i hate typing using the mini laptop.

New Addition

Mon Ami,

We have a new addition to our home, a sweet little parrotlet.  I named her Pippy after the little sparrow that was with me for a very short time. 

The photo is not Pippy but another little parrotlet.  I have not had a chance to take a photo of her but she looks just like the little guy in this photo. 

Pippy moved in yesterday evening and has made herself right at home.  I thought there would be an adjustment period but she had different ideas.  I took her out of her cage and she made herself right at home nestling under my ponytail.  I took her in and out of the cage a few times.  She was hanging on the cage and not perched.  Pippy wanted out.

Ducky has accepted that there is another addition.  He did not seem concerned and did not show any jealousy towards little Pippy.  Fred and Ethel were a bit curious.  I let Pippy, fly around with Fred and Ethel.  I think they are all going to be fine but Ducky will always remain top bird.  He is the biggest and he has been here the longest. 

Welcome to your new home Pippy!

What To Do With My Life?

A random thought shot across my mind.

What if…let’s just say, what if… what if I knew today would be the last day of my life?

Now that makes me think about lots of things.

Joonie, you idiot, it’s obviously not the last day of your life!

Oh but, you never know. You could die from a car crash tomorrow or maybe a storm will come along and the lightning will strike you dead.

But I have only done so less with my life.

I’ve lived under this roof doing what? Nothing. Okay, maybe I have done some. Like study and bond with people, but everyone does that.

What I want…is to do things that people won’t normally do.

I want to do things before it’s too late.

I wanna do things that are DIFFERENT.

Oh, I know my words are not very powerful right now (and maybe very naive) but I really do mean it?

However, I feel very disheartened when I come to think about the things I might want to do. I can’t seem to find an area to focus on that I might want to accomplish. Maybe I want to do a little bit of everything? But that seems a bit greedy…

I can’t wait till I am 18 and ain’t under the control of my guardians.

When I’m 18, I’ll be able to do whatever I want, literally. At least I won’t need permission to go out anymore aye? And if I can go out more, then I might be lucky enough to stumble across what I’m looking for.

And I’ll keep you guys updated when I find out what that something is (:<

JOONIE

一首簡單的歌

Here is a very special chinese song, delicate and clean. The lyrics are not fantastic, and may seem oddly spontaneous, but maybe that’s why it is called– One Simple Song. With crisp piano flowing smoothly in the background, I really enjoy listening to the melody. Without further ado…

One Simple Song

一首簡單的歌 – 王力宏

這世界　很複雜　混淆我想說的話 我不懂　太複雜的文法

This world is very complicated, confusing the words I wish to say. I don’t understand complicated grammar.

什麼樣　的禮物　能夠永遠記得住 讓幸福　別走得太倉促

What kind of gift can be remembered forever? Let the road of life be less barren?

雲和天 蝶和花　從來不需要說話 斷不了　依然日夜牽掛

Skies and clouds, Butterflies and flowers– they never need to say anything. Nature will never break and will continue to enrapture us day and night.

唱情歌　說情話　只想讓妳聽清楚 我愛妳　是唯一的傾訴 ＊

Singing a love song, talking intimately with you, I just want you to hear clearly that I love you, and that is the only message I have to say.

寫一首簡單的歌　讓妳的心情快樂 愛情就像一條河　難免會碰到波折

I am writing a simple song to bring up your spirits. Love is like a river, and it is natural to meet obstacles on our way.

這一首簡單的歌　並沒有什麼獨特 好像我　那麼的平凡卻又深刻

This simple song isn’t that special, just like me. So normal, and yet so deep.

我一直　在思考　讓妳了解我的好 卻忘了　常常對妳微笑

I always think about how to let you understand who I am, but often forget to remember to keep up that smile.

失去的　忘記的　我會盡力去彌補 妳是我　最珍貴的財富

The things we lose, the things we forget, I will try my best to fix. But know that you are my most precious fortune.

How good is your memory?

Remember that?

How good is your memory?

Most of us would like to improve our memory, to be able to keep focussed on remembering things that are important to us.

It appears that the last thing that was said in a list or set of statements is what is likely to stay in our minds.

It is called ‘recency’ and can be used especially well in questioning techniques.

For example: Would you like to go to the cinema or would you rather stay home and watch TV?

If you ask this question, and you really do want to go to the cinema to watch a movie, there’s a high chance you’ll be disappointed.

If you want to go to the cinema, that’s where the question would be best to end.

Would you like to go to the cinema (tonight at 8pm)?

Creating good memories

As we talk about an event we create a pathway in the brain of the memory as we are picturing it.  This may vary from the actual event as it happened.  It is our perspective.

The more we talk about something that happened, the more we think about it, because the more we think about it, the more easily it comes to mind.  We are strengthening pathways in the brain that will remain. 

OCD – Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

It’s great to be able to use focussed thoughts to help in research.  We can hold on and get to solve problems.  What if those repetitions are getting in the way of successful daily living.

Can I change a painful memory?

If these created and strengthened pathways remain, how can I change the way I think about some situations when the thoughts keep repeating?  You have answer already.  Create a memory!

Create a memory

Role playing and visualising how we would have liked an event to have played out creates a new memory when done repeatedly.  This creates a new pathway in the brain which becomes easy to access – a new memory.

um, who's Megan?

There was a card in the mail yesterday (hand delivered) from our neighbors.  How they knew it was our anniversary yesterday is still a mystery.  We don’t know them very wel  at all.  The weird thing is the card said: “husband’s name and Megan”.  LOL

Thanks neighbors that we don’t know that well, we do appreciate the sentiment.  But if you are going to hand out Happy Anniversary cards, get the names right.

Busy busy busy

School this semester is crazy, I’ve been pretty busy!
What with the 2 submissions we had to do earlier in the week and countless group meetings to prep me to go down and meet a  PR consultant.

I slept a good 5 hours extra last night but I totally forgot that I had another group meeting today because I thought it was meant to discuss whatever I needed to do before going down, and since that was pushed to Thursday, it was off -_-

Oh well!

Guess all I can do is try to recharge this weekend because I’m seriously burnt out. I think my eye baggage can testify to that. Thank God for makeup. Amen.

Why am I like this ?

L “So are you excited that you are getting married this year” Moi, ” Not really.”
L .” oh is it ? hmm.. why ? if I may ask.”
Moi, ” What is there to marriage ? just coz I sign a legal document things should be exciting ?”
L .” Well I was excited coz I was going to be making a home now with a man I love.”
Moi..” I made a home with a man I love, in NY, and then I made a home in CA alone and the man I love will move in with me when he comes to CA. I have lived with him , he is a great room mate so no surprises there too.”

L ” Well you are surely a different bride then. Usually women are excited about what they gonna wear, and the wedding arrangements, and the drama that surrounds it.”

Moi -” That is my point. Drama does not excite me. I think I would rather just get married in a small temple, with my parents and siblings and his parents and siblings and then we have a happy meal somewhere and probably just go for a weekend getaway somewhere as a family. We are planning this in India next year. But a wedding here is just a formality anyways.”

L ” Yeah you are probably right. I like your thinking. No frills.” Moi – ” I don’t know if I was always like this .”

WHY do I not like fancy weddings ? Why don’t I want to dress like those women in lehngas and jewellery. Why do I not want 1000 people to come eat at my wedding ? Why do I not want to spend 5 days celebrating weddings ? Why am I like this ?

I don’t know. I have answers to some of these. I don’t like drama. I don’t want to spend insane amount of money in silly parties. I love very few people and I want my wedding to be a private affair. I am ugly so those lehengas will look funny on me. I will not look good in jewellery because I have never looked good in those things. I will look even more ugly in all that glamour. Gimme my fabindia and my glasses and my Tiffany ring – bus I dnt want anything else. (ok Tiffany solitaires earings too please)

TBH is marrying me for what I am, knowing how bad I am , knowing how bad I can be. Why should I dress up for others ? When he has seen me the way he will see me for rest of our lives together. Why should I dress up for one day then ? Why ? What is this obsession with marriages?

Keeping myself busy...

I’ve been going back and forth lately between feeling really bummed out, and getting really excited about things that are coming up. Work has been tough. I’ve been working long hours, not getting enough sleep. To put it plainly I’m stressed out, and I’ve been eating EVERYTHING in order to make things better. And that is only making things worse.

I’ve found that the best way to avoid throwing yourself a pity party is to keep yourself so busy that it just doesn’t fit into your schedule! And lately….well, I’m just trying to keep every minute jam-packed. Even in my resting moments. It probably won’t last very long though…sometimes you just need to sit around and do nothing at all (although it’s easy to numb/distract your mind with watching TV).

Here are a few ways I’ll be keeping myself busy…

•  Dance classes. I’m so thankful for my dance classes. They’re only once a week (for now?), but its comforting to go in there, see some familiar faces, laugh for a while, and then get my butt kicked. I love it. 
•  More dance classes. I finally made a decision on my choreography program. It doesn’t start until the end of October, but I’ve decided to only go with one dance (with the “2nd choreography”) and I’m ok with just one.
• In a week or so I’m also starting a 4-week pottery course. 12 hours of instruction, plus an extra 6 of practice. I’d done wheel-thrown pottery in college, but there was a lot I didn’t learn. I’m SO excited about this. The only bad thing is that it’s $125, and its kinda far. About 20 miles away.
• I’m signed up for a 5k on Thanksgiving.
• I’ve been running outside again (to prepare for that 5k). While I always feel like I’m dying while “running” its so reward to get back to the apartment all sweaty and red, knowing that I pushed myself and I’m slowly taking steps to improve myself. (Side note: I love that there are so many people in my area that go run and walk outside!)
• I’ve been trying to focus on making sure everything in the apartment has a proper place. There’s plenty for me to do: washing dishes, organizing the pantry, finally getting all my posters up, organizing the 2nd bedroom…..PLENTY to keep me busy for a long time. However I’m noticing that if I don’t watch myself I may gravitate towards filling the place with clutter, so I have to constantly remind myself to look for things to purge.
• There are many free events going on in the city lately. We FINALLY took advantage of the free museum entry on certain weekends, and I hope to continue to do that. The only problem is that many events occur on the same day! Add to that additional personal commitments, and I’ll probably end up having to miss some events. =[  Oh well, you gotta pick and choose….
• As evidenced on my “to-do list”, I signed back up for Netflix. They offered me another 2 week trial since I’d been gone for a year, and I haven’t decided if I’m going to go back to PAYING for it when the trial ends (on Oct.1). Either way, I’m mostly watching TV shows (right now it’s Mad Men, and Gossip Girl….yes, I’m hooked. Don’t tell anyone!), but there are a few girly movies that the BF would never let me watch. (Like the Sex and the City movie….still haven’t seen it!) We’ll see how much I can watch in two weeks, hehe.

I’m just glad I’m not taking out my frustration on my credit cards. It would be way too easy to run out, spend a day trying on fabulous shoes and walking out with a pair or two. Or going back to HomeGoods (ooh, gotta tell you guys about my adventure there) and filling my cart with stuff for the apartment. I can’t deny that buying stuff gives me a bit of a high. It really does. But the effects don’t last.

Sure, I’m spending quite a bit of money on the classes and such, but at least they’re keeping me active. I’ve seen so many times how eating wrong and lack of physical activity affects my moods, so I think this is exactly what I need.

What do you do to keep yourself busy these days? Anything exciting on your radar?

Cat fights

I am witnessing drama unfold. I am watching two women coming to the verge of cat fights over a guy and tension is really mounting day by day. But what is making me uncomfortable is not the fact that they want to rival each other. What I am worried about is that they are fighting over MY MAN!

Honestly, one of them has no clue that we are together but the other one is just unforgivable, she knows for a fact that A and I are together and have been ever since she set foot in that house. Makes me kinda wonder if its a case of  wanting to take over now that everyone knows that I am about to leave and A is going to stay put for another year with his company. Is it a succession row?

Predicament: I share living space with the drama mamas. The one with no clue of A and me does not stop rubbing it in everyone’s face how attracted she is to A. The unforgivable one does not stop rubbing it in our faces that she is openly flirting with A and practically any other man that comes by. The two are not hiding that there is mounting tension between them as they compete for A’s attention.

Solution: I sit back and watch as things unfold. Besides am just about to leave so what difference does it make anyway? I refuse to be drawn into this war by all means necessary. I am a silent observer in all this and I will not be lured into a war that was never mine to begin with. I live in the hope that A will not disrespect me by being drawn into this brewing drama, because as it is he is clueless of what is going on. And finally, I get encouraged by the fact that A will not stand to be the subject of gossip.

Hey!

Hello internet. I had this for a while but then stopped using it, so I decided to start over. What the heck is up? Nothing? Cool. Well, it’s freshman year for me, and it’s been pretty okay so far. I’m part of the marching band at SHS so that’s got me busy. The first game is on FRIDAY! Versus DOVER! It’s gonna be so intense, because their band is also coming so it’s almost going to be like a battle. Oh, it’s gonna be a blast. Well, I’m gonna go do some music stuff, so yeah. Peace!

You spin me right round, baby right round

Gee! Am having a headache now.

Even after I took a lunch nap in the office, my head is still pretty much spinning.

Uh oh.

And I’m having a series of meetings later – one of which I was being tasked to chair. Honestly, I’m not even sure what I should say. =/

Wonder if my headache was being caused by the brain-frying finance module last night.

Pretty much all my cells were fried by the end of the day. Everyone was like, O.O?

Ha! The power of finance and frying.

Major Change May Be Headed My Way

Hello everynya~n…

If you’ve read my previous post, you saw that I made a statement about how my parents and I might fight for the right to get me enrolled in the school with my friends.

Well, apparently, there’s more to it than I thought.

We might be moving. Again. Yes, that’s right. We might be moving to a smaller house.

There’s also more to that, too, but I won’t get into it.

I… *Shaoow…* I’m going to re-write the lyrics of ”All the Things She Said” to ”All School’s Put Me Through.” I mine-as-well work on that now, since I’m not doing anything else at the moment…

…Now, let’s see here…

All school’s put me through
All school’s put me through
Running through my head
Running through my head
Running through my head
(Running through my head)

All school’s put me through
All school’s put me through
Running through my head
Running through my head
(Running through my head)
I have had enough

I’m in serious shit, I feel totally lost
If I’m asking for help it’s only because
Being alone has opened my eyes
Could I ever believe such a horrid surprise?

I keep asking myself, wondering how
I keep closing my eyes but I can’t block this out
Wanna fly to a place where it’s just I and me
Nobody else so I can be free
Nobody else so I can be free

All school’s put me through
All school’s put me through
Running through my head
Running through my head
Running through my head
(Running through my head)
All school’s put me through
All school’s put me through
Running through my head
Running through my head
All school’s put me through
All school’s put me through
(All school’s put me through)
I have had enough
I have had enough
All school’s put me through
All school’s put me through

And I’m all mixed up, feeling cornered and rushed
They say it’s my fault but I want out so much
Wanna fly myself away where the sun and rain
Come in over my face, wash away all the shame
When they stop and stare – it worries me
‘Cause I’m feeling hatred what they’re feeling towards me
I can try to pretend, I can try to forget
But it’s driving me mad, going out of my head

All school’s put me through
All school’s put me through
Running through my head
Running through my head
Running through my head
All school’s put me through
All school’s put me through
Running through my head
Running through my head
All school’s put me through
All school’s put me through
I have had enough
I have had enough
All school’s put me through
All school’s put me through
All school’s put me through
All school’s put me through
All school’s put me through
All school’s put me through
All school’s put me through
All school’s put me through, me through
All school’s put me through
All school’s put me through

Mother looking at me
Tell me what do you see?
Yes, I’ve lost my mind

Daddy looking at me
I will never be free.
I have crossed the line

All school’s put me through
All school’s put me through
Running through my head
Running through my head
Running through my head
All school’s put me through
All school’s put me through
Running through my head
Running through my head
All school’s put me through
All school’s put me through
I have had enough
I have had enough
All school’s put me through
All school’s put me through
All school’s put me through
All school’s put me through
All school’s put me through
All school’s put me through.

Wow. I barely changed much, but it seems to me that I have done quite a good job. Maybe I’ll even record it just for the hell of having a little momentum for myself of how FUCKY SCHOOL IS.

Which would be courtesy of ‘Audicity.’ I love that program, how you can record your voice on the MAC with the webcam and edit it. I did a thing with one of the Hell Girl OSTs, but I deleted it a real long time ago.

It went a little something like this:

I will come and get you,
Silently but yes.
I will come and get you,
Take your last breath.

Aaand I never got any further. And don’t plan on it. I creep myself out sometimes. Hah.

ANYWAY… Can’t wait to dye my hair this Friday!! Looking forward to it!! I actually have a little dye in the crevice of my elbow or w/e. I had to put it there last night, and for 48 hours, for an allergy test. So far, nothing, which is good. Very happy I’m not allergic to it.

If I was, so help me…

Also, check out the lyrics for ‘Murmurs: You Suck.’ I could also use that song as a shout out to aaall the little bitches and bastards at this Hellhole I am forced to attend 5/7 days a week. FUCK. YOU. ALL. IF. YOU. EVER. SEE. THIS. *Flips off*

But if you’re NOT one of my school mates, I love you. *Smiles* But I’m not a creepy stalker. Just an antisocial teen that likes fan fiction, reading, writing, and making fun of people I hate.

And are on my ‘Wall of Shame.’ YES, I DO HAVE ONE. Jesus…

My parents keep bugging me like, “What are you going to be?” …No answer from me. “Come on, we’re going to find out anyway.”

They’re referring to KRP. They have really no idea about it, except the hair dye part. I just reply with: “It’s not really a person… Well, it is but it’s not. And you might be able to figure it out, and you might not.”

Aren’t I a genius? Full blown amazing Einstein?

Of course I’m not! Thank you for that compliment, loves!! Free non-alcoholic beverages for everyone!! *Passes out drinks*

I’ve started drawing again. I stopped for the longest time, and just started again. Even if it’s just stupid little doodles, I am drawing again. And am improving every step of the way.

Apparently, I am God at drawing cats, according to my friends. Maybe I’ll have to scan a pick of one I drew 2 years back or something…

I remember when I was in 4th grade. *Sigh* When the years were still good. I had this scrap piece of paper that I drew little different themed cats on. I remember my classmates passing by and asking “Did you draw those?”

I think I became known as ‘the one who draws cats well for her age’ or something, because I remember doing a project on Ben Franklin, and my group wanted me to draw a Ben Frank. kitty. I was like, “How the fuck am I going to do that?”

So I didn’t. I can’t remember anything else, except to this day, I still have the piece of scrap hanging in my bedroom on the wall. There’s a Pumpkin Kitty, Infant Kitty, Doctor Kitty, Devil Kitty… Too many to name. I’d have to go get the paper and type everything up.

But I’m too lazy to do that. Plus, I’d rather not take a dip so far back into the past.

Even though I had a good past back then.

But the past from 2- years up until right now when I’m typing this totally sucks and sucked.

Rawr. Screw it all, man. Screeeew it all.

No field trip today, peeps. Sorry!! I have to eat dinner soon, then visit my great grandfather [Oh my] then come back and do homework that I can with what I have.

Oh. Did I mention?? I missed school today. Major headache, fever, and the usual ‘blahh’ feeling of being sick.

Good-bye, and watch Soul Eater! I recommend it!
-Taylaa~–

Business

What would be the best business to start up here in the Philippines?  Of course I would love to retail gadgets and computer hardware since I know a lot of those thing however the margins for that sort of product are really low.  When margins are low, high amounts of volume are required to be profitable.  I could go with food.  Think about all those water refilling stations.  The cost of water is near zero and the markup is extreme but then that would really be just about getting a good location.  A coffee shop would be an excellent idea.  Coffee is really cheap and if one can sell at Starbuck’s prices, the margins will be very lucrative.  I feel that the coffee shop business is over saturated at this point.  With a Starbucks at every corner, why bother?

Why am I rambling on these generic business ideas?  I can’t think of any up to date business ideas that would work.  I used to think that printer ink would be big back then before entering college.  Yup, it got big but then it eventually died off.  I used to think that Internet gaming shops would hit big before high school.  Yup, it did got big.  Now, it’s still there but the growth of the home market has killed a lot of the weaker stores.

The chances of success are dim.  Ninety percent of businesses don’t make it to ten years and around half dies by two years.  Yet without risk, there will be no reward.  Millionaires are made not born.  The successful people took risks and they’re at the top now.  Is it a gamble?  I guess so.  You can make an educated guess or a calculated risk but in the end a probability of 80% is still a probability of 80%.  There will always be things one cannot control or mistakes that can’t be corrected.

Well, I guess life can’t be video game.  One life, no continues.  Hell, one chance is all I need to succeed.

You Are My Muse

One day, in the midst of one of my musical genre-hopping phases, I asked a friend if it would be possible for a band to successfully depart from a trademark sound to a polar opposite. This question was prompted when I read that Muse were big fans of 311. I could barely wrap my mind around that.

What else is possible? Could the Red Hot Chili Peppers and Beirut switch musical styles? Could Pearl Jam make an electronic dance album? Could Dave Matthews Band try out nu-metal? I know the suggestions sound preposterous but, if the transition were done masterfully, then what would be the harm? If I like such contrasting bands anyway, then why couldn’t I accept one band that jumped around from style to style?

Genre-hopping music strikes me as such a positive that I am puzzled by why fans react so negatively to the musical evolution of their favorite artists. And my guess is it becomes rather personal, this deviation from the comfort zone. It’s okay to transform into something more polished, more aggressive, or to even exhibit the slightest nuances of experimentation, but any marked revision in sound is usually met with obscenities — and that’s a best-case scenario.

Yes, it’s personal. Fans are loyal to rabid proportions until bands “defy” them.

To a certain extent, I suppose I am the same. Sure, I justify my waning interest in U2 with the argument that their sound has been diluted with commercial drivel, and sure, I pine away for the days of “Bad” and “In God’s Country”. But in the end, it truly boils down to my inability to let go of the past and embrace a new mellow sound. My hang-up, not theirs. I shouldn’t expect them to remain zealous, Pilgrim-garbed rebels forever.

Change makes music grow.

…

The initial previews of Muse’s The Resistance elicited the less tolerant reaction from me. It sounded like sing-songy, bombastic showtunes. Seemingly gone was the guitar frenzy of Absolution or the exotic dance sounds of Black Holes and Revelations. It wasn’t the Muse that I knew and loved. I left for my trip to Peru rather crestfallen and held out hope that the 30-second previews on iTunes didn’t do the album justice.

They didn’t.

Like your typical classical pieces, and like typical Muse, the songs are comprised of movements, tempo-shifts, and stylistic changes that aren’t conducive to the mini audio extracts you find on iTunes. Each song must be listened to in its entirety, and even segmenting the album degrades the genius behind it. More piano/synth heavy than previous efforts, this album is majestic, ambitious, operatic and essentially unclassifiable.

Where else could you find a mish-mash of hard rock, classical music, jazz, operatic arias, and…melancholic space rock? Matt often sings about his beliefs of the origins of human existence tied back to genetic modification by aliens. His songs just might prove him right.

Yes, there are the comparisons to Queen, and yes, unfortunately, there will be irritating comparisons to Radiohead (brilliant but different). That aside, “Undisclosed Desires” evokes 80’s synth pop a la Depeche Mode while “Unnatural Selection” recalls the arpeggiated frenzy of “Muscle Museum” until it halts to a sultry guitar swagger.

My favorite track at the moment, “I Belong To You/Mon Coeur S’ouvre A Ta Voix”, dwells somewhere between The Beatles’ “Lady Madonna” and Queen’s “Seaside Rendezvous.” Only better. Jazzy, playful, and groovy, the piano gives way to a delicate French aria that would make Jeff Buckley proud before reverting back to the irresistible tempo and ivory keys.

The aspect of the album that has garnered the most attention, of course, is the 12-min, 3-part symphony – “Exogenesis: Symphony Part 1 (Overture), Symphony Part 2 (Cross-pollination), Symphony Part 3 (Redemption).” Ranging from haunting vocals to ethereal guitar wails, from soaring crescendos to a classical music celebration, “Exogenesis” is unlike anything I have heard in a while. If you can imagine Muse songs such as “Ruled By Secrecy”, the soundtrack to 2001: A Space Odyssey, Chopin, Pink Floyd, Rachmaninov, and Queen in a single sonic cocktail, then you might have an idea of this song. Absolutely glorious.

…

I no longer follow the same musical styles that I did 20 years ago (thank God). Why should I expect a band to remain stagnant? It’s only logical that my beloved artists will have diverse tastes, and it’s only fair that they reflect all their eclectic influences in their music. Most only leak it out in little doses here and there, but it wouldn’t be the end of the world if a band were to open up the floodgates of diversity, no?

Muse may have culled ideas from some of the greats – from some of my musical muses – but they shattered all of my expectations. They took a sharp turn somewhere, and I love them even more for it.

I Belong To You/Mon Coeur S’ouvre A Ta Voix

UCAS Choices & Options!

In today’s class tutorial we talked about UCAS and applying to university. I remember some of it first time around when I was 18 but still it was good to refresh on the process and no doubt it’s changed a bit in 14 years, one obvious change is you apply online now rather than a paper application, progress!

For months I gone through prospectuses for different places and debated which universities I prefer and whether to go for the Degree or Diploma. I’ve learnt a few things over the past couple of weeks, one is that the Diploma is being phased out and most universities from 2011 onwards won’t be offering it as an option and it will be a requirement that future training nurses will be qualified only with a degree, or at least that is how I understand it. So technically we will be the last intake if we are to get in next year on a Diploma programme but it’s likely we would change over to a degree in the 3rd year which is what is often offered now to students who are capable of doing the work at degree level.

This suits me because this was what I was hoping for. I wanted to go for a Diploma because of the money aspect, in fact most of our class (and it comes recommended from the tutors!) want to go for the Diploma). For me as someone single with no children it would mean a substantial bursary and no fees, it still wouldn’t match a full time wage and money would be tight but it would be better than taking out student loans!

As for university choices I feel the need to stay in my town but am still so undecided about this (this decorating has cost a small fortune to say the least!) and I am still swayed by studying at the local universities Salford being my first choice. I am still planning to go to the open day at The Manchester University as well as the Salford one just to compare the two. I think the college want us to apply for all three Manchester based universities. The thing is I still really like Huddersfield University as well as a few others for their facilities and because I like the idea of making a move and a fresh start elsewhere. Do I take the risk and apply for one and pay just one UCAS fee or pay the higher UCAS fee and apply for more than one! Decisions decisions! I actually think this decision may be easier to make in the coming weeks dependent on what happens when I return to see this therapy person this week… Can’t you tell I still have talking to do!

Anyway enough UCAS stuff, Psychology class this morning and we commenced out first module on Mental Health. It was rather interesting to say the least. Our first group presentation is to pick a Mental Illness and talk about it. We have certain things we have to cover etc… I am in a group of four others, although two of them don’t they are in our group yet because they were not in today! I’ve not influenced the other member of the group in anyway but we have decided to do Borderline Personality Disorder! Yes we have an advantage because I have it but ironically she has a cousin who was recently diagnosed with it. In fact she’s borrowed my book today to read!

This evening I’ve already started to do a little preparation on the research of it. I think if I am not mistaken we give the presentation at the beginning of November and ours is to last 40 minutes, we each present for 10 minutes. Good practice for university. Now I need a quick lesson in learning how to use PowerPoint because I’ve never used it before.

9:36pm

We had some friends over one Friday night, a few weeks ago. As we were sitting around, talking, we were suddenly interrupted by the sound of an alarm, coming from the coat closet.

Puzzled, they asked the obvious question: ‘what’s that noise?’

And we proceeded to explain the inexplicable. Trying our best to make a stupid story sound…less so.

Jason bought a watch from Wal-Mart, many years ago. It’s actually the only watch he hasn’t ruined with his weird magnetic arm superpowers. (Yes, for the record, the brand-new Suunto watch number two also bit the dust, about a month after he received it. I doubt we’ll contact Zappos again.)

This watch, which he never wears, has an alarm. Inexplicably, the alarm goes off on a nightly basis, at precisely 9.36pm. Even more bizarrely, we aren’t doing anything about it. We literally sit around listening to the alarm go off at the same time every night, for no apparent reason.

For starters, in order to stop the alarm, we’d have to find the watch. It’s buried in the coat closet somewhere, that much I can tell. But who wants to dig through a coat closet to find a cheap watch? Well, maybe a lot of people would so they could turn the thing off, just not us. Next, we’d have to figure out how to disable the alarm, and given the fact that it goes off at the completely random time of 9.36, I’m guessing that might not be as easy as it sounds.

And really, there’s something comforting about hearing that sound every night, no matter where I find myself in the house. I’ll stop for a minute and think, ‘oh, it’s 9.36′ and really savor that minute. It’s a benign time of day, kids are typically asleep, I’m not. The alarm hurts no one.

But in my clumsy attempt to explain all of this, all I got were blank stares. Understandably so – it is a strange story.

Even stranger that it happened in Indiana as well. Except there, the watch was buried in the top drawer of my desk. Which sat in the living room. And the alarm went off in the middle of the day.

Old habits die hard, I guess.

94%~

So I’m checking my exam grades online.

One reason I LOVE college, I don’t haev to wait like a week or two just to figure out what I got!

And then everyone crowds around one piece of paper trying to find out xD

So I checked and got a 94% on my bio exam~ woot!

But that’s it. Some professors are still slow updating it xDD

Been reseraching about viruses. So.. boring!

And I don’t like the in depth stuffs. >.<;;

But gotta do it anyways. If I don’t now… I’ll be rushing Tuesday xD

Anime club tomorrow. Yay? Ish.

I needa work on cosplay. This week is a good week to buy fabric, so I’ll try to do inventory today xD

–Kimiko–

apart from the empty faces..

Your eyes sparkle like diamonds or a million stars on a clear navy sky. But I’m not supposed to say that. I’m not supposed to tell you how your hair reminds me of white sandy beaches or your eyes that reminds me of warm tropical ocean – with the splash of turquoise in them. Neither shall I tell you how your body reminds me of a surfer’s, the tan skin and fine muscles. Or how you walk head high and proud, almost majestetic – like a lion. No. These things I cannot tell. Why? I don’t know really… You are the one supposed to be poetic, so I guess that’s why. You are the one who’re supposed to compare my looks with something wonderful… Like you’ll do that. Don’t even say you could; you wouldn’t. I know it, you know it.

So I’ll just keep it to myself. All the thoughts. Smile when you’re around, let you hold my hands between yours – and give me that tight and loving hug you give me. I… I adore you alot. But you know tha, right? I don’t need to tell you… do I?

apart

\\  M

Medal of Honor to Fallen Soldier in Afghanistan

President Obama awarded the military’s highest honor to a soldier who died trying to save his wounded comrade in Afghanistan — saying Sgt. First Class Jared C. Monti personified the values of honor and heroism.

Obama presented the prestigious Medal of Honor award to Monti’s parents during a ceremony in the East Room of the White House.

Monti of Raynham, Mass., died in Afghanistan on June 21, 2006, while trying to save a young private who was wounded. Obama said the fallen soldier “did something no amount of training can instill.”

In an interview with FOXNews.com Thursday, Monti’s mother, Janet, said the award is a “tremendous honor,” but she called the ceremony “bittersweet.”

“We’re very proud of him, but we’re also very sad,” she said.

Monti’s platoon — part of the 3rd Squadron, 71st Cavalry Regiment — was on an intelligence-gathering patrol when it was ambushed by more than 60 insurgents in Afghanistan’s Nuristan province. After calling in artillery support and directing his men’s return fire, Monti braved withering enemy fire to try to pull the comrade to safety from an exposed position. Monti, who was 31, was mortally wounded on the third attempt.

Janet Monti described her son’s innate selflessness and desire to help others, saying he “would always stick up for the underdog.” She recounted a story in which her son rescued a group of children who were being taunted by Albanian youths while he was stationed in Kosovo.

“He picked the children up in his Humvee and drove them to school,” she said. “He had so much compassion.”

Embattled U.S. troops in northeastern Afghanistan also paid homage to Monti Thursday by officially rededicating their isolated outpost in the Hindu Kush Mountains in his name.

Thursday’s ceremony in Afghanistan, at Combat Operations Post Monti in Kunar province, was attended by about 50 soldiers not on duty. It was preceded by artillery fire on nearby mountain ridges to ward off Taliban gunmen who mortar and rocket the post.

“Most of us didn’t know him personally and most of us will know him only by his citation,” Maj. Pete Granger, executive officer of the 1st Battalion, 32nd Infantry Regiment, said before a large plaque was unveiled in Monti’s honor.

“We honor his memory by continuing to fight for the same things he believed in: his soldiers, his family, his friends and his country.”

via One Marine’s View.

Holy Cow I'm In A Movie!

I forget that this a City Where Things Happen and you encounter/interact with People Whose Names Other People know. I mean honestly New York City is one of those places and I get so wrapped up in the routine of going to work, come home, FRISBEE!, sleep…repeat, that I forget. Then it comes and smacks me in the face.

This evening I was on the train home from watching the Mizzou football game at McFadden’s when I was shocked to hear my phone bleep. Flip it open and I find one of my friends is mass texting about a rush call for extras on a new Matt Damon movie. I call her and find out more, and an hour and half later I appear on set.

OK, this is how little I know about acting. I thought, “Oh extra, I’ll just walk through the background and voila, I’m done.” Two hours tops right? Pah! I didn’t get home until 1:00 am. It was worth every minute.

The entire experience was surreal. Firstly, I did this on a lark, a why-the-hell-not sort of thing. Everyone else, this is what they do. They either want to be actors/actresses or this is a serious side job. Me, I’m just mentally sitting back taking the whole thing in. You know, you’d think the glamor and magic of the movie would vanish, but it doesn’t. I watched Matt Damon and did as the crowd was supposed to and I kind of forgot it was Matt Damon. For moments I forgot I was me.

It was fucking awesome. And yes, he is as boyishly handsome in life as he is on screen. I can’t wait until it comes out so I can see if I actually made it in any shots.

excerpt 2.

(Another excerpt from, It Girl.)

My inane ability to attract misfortune swells to epic proportions when I am around someone I like.  In high school, my friend Tiffany threw a huge party.  A bunch of us were outside, including this kid I had a major crush on.  The last few days had been pretty rainy, so the grass was wet and muddy.  During a game of partner tag, (Yes, I did just admit to playing partner tag in high school. When you are done making fun, you can continue reading.), I found out the hard way that my shoes lacked traction on slippery ground.

Running away from the current tagger, I decided to be bold and go for the hand of my crush.  Only, when I tried to stop, I slid.  By that, I mean I wooshed past the boy, several others, and slammed right into a tree.  After impact, I fell backwards and landed in a pile of dog poop.  Needless to say, the boy I liked never spoke to me after that night.

To be honest, if I am not embarrassing myself in some maladroit manner, and Murphy has given me the night off, I end up looking like an idiot anyway.  I don’t do well in crowds, especially crowds made up of my peers.  My hands get clammy, my nose turns cold, and I say really stupid things, like, “Hi, my name is Mckenzie, and I have small feet.”

Waiting around.

Today i have the 5-11pm shift. You can imagine the “excitement” in my voice lol. I will miss the X factor but i guess i can just watch the highlights on youtube tomorrow after my 12:30-6:30pm.

This is me right now.

Facemask and Pajamas

I got up to lots yesterday, hopefully i’f im not too tired tonight after work i will make a post

Next week is my last week off before returning to Uni so i must make it great!

Happy weekend!

x

Helter Skelter

Just wanted to quickly record this odd psychological moment that I’m having now.  Its currently 1:30 in the morning, and I have spent the last hour pouring over information about Charles Manson.  This new obsession is interesting yet disturbing at the same time.  This odd, mental fellow has been revered by history and society for being a complete nut job.  And mostly, they were right.  And he’s only descended farther into madness from all the years that he’s spent in prison.  Its hard to believe that he used to be extremely bright, even if he was completely bonkers.

I’m curious to see if this phase will last past tonight

Drew

my lines

One person knows why I’m doing this….

I am a good writer. I am  a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am  a good writer. I am a good writer. 

I am a good writer. I am  a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am  a good writer. I am a good writer. 

I am a good writer. I am  a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am  a good writer. I am a good writer. 

I am a good writer. I am  a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am  a good writer. I am a good writer. 

I am a good writer. I am  a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am  a good writer. I am a good writer. 

I am a good writer. I am  a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am  a good writer. I am a good writer. 

I am a good writer. I am  a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am  a good writer. I am a good writer. 

I am a good writer. I am  a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer

I am a good writer. I am  a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am  a good writer. I am a good writer.

 I am a good writer. I am  a good writer. I am a good writer. 

I am a good writer. I am  a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am a good writer. I am  a good writer. I am a good writer.

Thank God for copy ‘n’ paste!

New Beginnings

On Monday, I quit my job @ VTG.  I worked there for 6 years and with the economy I felt it was time for a new change.  I found a new job w/ a marketing/media group and I feel it is going to be a great move. I’m so excited to start something new and for a change.  It’s so easy to get stagnate and comfortable with what you are doing, but when you decide it’s time to move on and start something new it is very exhilarating! I look forward to what tomorrow will bring!

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.

Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.

There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Sjuk

Har legat i sängen hela dag och tittat på i princip skräp TV. Speciellt på morgnarna så finns det verkligen ingenting att titta på förutom Tv-shop skit. Höjd punkterna är ändå 2½ men och How I Met Your Mother. Saknar dock The Big Bang Theory. Fan vad jag älskar de där Sci-Fi nördarna.

Har åkt på feber och har ont i halsen. Vet inte om anledningen till att jag har ont i halsen har med att min visdoms tand har börjat växa igen. Fick nämligen ont i halsen förut pga. visdoms tand. Låter mycket konstigt jag vet. Men hur som helst så har jag levt på Te och druckit citron juice för halsen och käkat Ipren för febern.

Blir hemma från lektionen imorgon också. Har bara två lektioner denna vecka och så blir man sjuk. Det är typiskt. Visserligen så är det lektioner om PhotoShop och jag känner att jag kan det ganska bra så missar nog inte så jätte mycket. Men jag klara inte av att sitta vid en dator speciellt länge utan att bli alldeles trött. Har redan tagit en paus utav att skriva det här.

Oavsett hur jag mår imorgon så blir det bio. Har redan betalt biljetten och den är redan hämtad. Men sitta och glo på en skärm har jag gjort hela dagen och jag blir alltid bättre fram mot kvällen så det ska nog gå bra. Det är “Flickan Som Lekte Med Elden” på schemat. och den kan man ju inte missa. Nu låter det verkligen som om jag skolkar…men men…är man fattig student så är man.

My Day

Woke up to the sound of my alarm. Rushed around taking a shower and all those hygienic things for school. Went to school. Had a singing group audition. Didn’t know if it went well or not. Blazed through lunch. Got shot down with our project idea in Science. Stressed out in Art. Fussed with clips and headbands in order to keep the hair out of my face during a cross country meet. Had a cross country meet. Almost died (haven’t been running because of a twisted ankle). Rode back to school. Didn’t get picked up for a loong time. Came home. Flopped on my bed. Did my homework. (all 3 hours of it). Ate dinner at my desk. Started to get a headache. Started to get a scratchy voice. Started to wonder if I was getting sick. Got distracted from the sickness thought by my project partner IMing me. Studied for who knows what tomorrow. Oh yeah, a test.

Wondered if I was gonna feel like this everyday from now on.

Probably.

~Too many grapes makes my throat hurt

Tags...

Hmm… Do you think that if I start to add tags onto my blog posts, more people will find my blog? Now that I think about it. I think they will. They’ll type bits of random, and hopefully match up with my tags! That like how YouTube works right?

But. Now that I think about it (referring to first (?) post) I don’t think I really want my friends knowing about my blog… Don’t you think? I mean, my friends, reading about what I really think. Unless I’m the only one who puts on a face when I go out? Anyway, I still find it peculiar (<– Oh yeah! A big girl word!!) that my friends will be reading about me… But I don’t why I would rather have people-I-don’t-know read about me. Maybe because I know that I am partially safe from all you people. It’s not like I’ll start meeting you in the street and have you kill me (please don’t do that to me!), well the chances are highly unlikely right? Now, I’m really afraid.. =S

Please comment!!

Okay… Now time for tagging, what do I tag… =S

Pfch (<– That’s a new one! =D), Tagging is fun!

Bloody Wires...

I am convinced that the wires to my iPod are haunted or cursed or something.

I only have to put the USB and the ear phone wires near to each other and they become entwined like a pair of copulating snakes, and they are about as much trouble to separate as well. Not that I know how difficult it is to separate snakes since as an activity, it’s not something I do (ever!).

In fact the ear phone wires can become knotted all on their own. Wind them up and put them in your pocket, pull them out and Voila, all knotted up. David Blaine would be proud!

Out of Boredom

-Untitled-

Mary Sunday Brown didn’t believe in God.

Mary Sunday Brown was born on a Sunday, and was named Mary Sunday Brown for a simple reason: she has a pair of uncreative, devout Catholic as parents. Mary after the Virgin Mary, and Sunday because her parents can’t decide amongst the many saints to name their daughter after. Theodora, Antonia, Benedicta, Eugenia, Bernadette, all have their virtue and they can’t decide which would suit their newborn daughter best. Or whether that daughter will be able live up to the name. So they settle on Sunday.

After all, Sunday is God’s day.

When Mary Sunday Brown was 5 years old, her mother got diagnosed with cancer.

“Bone,” the doctor, a young but cold man with metal-rimmed glasses said, ”Final stadium now, nothing we can do except make you as comfortable as possible. You have two weeks. A month, tops.” With that he left the room, offering no words of comfort.

Hearing this, Mary’s mother turned white as a ghost, and her father immediately left the room. Mary sat on the sofa beside her mother’s hospital bed, playing with the barbie which used to belong to their neighbor’s daughter, Jill Harris. Jill has grown out of barbie dolls and has switched onto make up and accessories so Mrs Harris decided to give her dolls to their less blessed neighbor.

The one Mary was playing with was the best looking one, the doll’s hair was still attached although one side was much longer than the other one, the reminder of Jill’s hairdresser phase. Jill has been through a lot of phase, from hairdresser, teacher, scientist, archeologist. She used her barbies as students during her teacher phase, and buried them in sand to dug them out again when she wanted to become an archeologist. I don’t think I need to tell you what happened to the poor dolls when she went through her surgeon phase.

Mary was too young to understand what was going on. So what, her mother was sick? She’s gonna get a few shots and she’ll be good as new. Mary hated shots. They hurt. The nurses who gave them always say they didn’t, but they did.

Her parents were desperate. But only for a day. The next day her father went to their church and asked that Mrs. Brown be prayed for by the congregation. For the next two weeks letters arrived telling Mrs. Brown to hold on, that the Lord is going to get her through all this. Phone-calls came telling her that thousands of people prayed for her in last Sunday’s mass and thousands more will pray for her in the next mass. Flowers, too, came, bearing “Get Well Soon” cards and notes of encouragements. Color slowly returned to her mother’s feature.

Mary asked her mother what is wrong with her, and her mother replied that she is sick, but not to worry, for their Father in heaven is going to make her all better.

“And then after I’m all better, we will spend everyday together. We can bake cupcakes, go to museums, or anything lu like.”

Reverend Smith came to visit Mary’s mother on a Saturday. He was middle-aged and fatherly, with a kind voice that will get you to confess your deepest, darkest sins when you went into confession with him. The priest thought about what he was going to say to the dying lady. The doctor has said that she only have a month to live, tops. That was two weeks ago. So she’ll probably die within the next two weeks. The priest prayed for guidance while walking to Mrs. Brown’s room.

Turned out he didn’t have to worry about what to say to the dying lady. She was doing all the talking. She gushed about the letters and phone-calls and flowers that she received and how that strengthens her.

“A Mrs. Long called and said that the congregation was praying for me last Sunday. And the Bible study, too, every night. You have no idea what that means to me, father. I felt strong. I felt the Lord beside me. I felt that I can beat this. You know?”

The reverend led a prayer and then he left, thanking the Lord for this show of faith, so strong, by so sick a woman. Mrs. Brown look so thin, and so clearly in pain from the tumor growing in her bones, but she still have faith.

She died the next day on Sunday, God’s day, and Mary’s faith died with her.

year number one

Today is unofficially my one-year anniversary working.  I say unofficially because September 15, 2008 was the day I was scheduled to begin work last year, but Ike delayed it until the 17th.  Regardless, it’s a big occasion!  It means that for the past YEAR, I have actually stayed in one place and worked at one company and earned income and saved money and traveled only occasionally and shouldered responsibilities and behaved like a semi-normal adult.  A full year of work since college ended.  Kinda unbelievable, isn’t it?

But I guess that means I have more pressure to figure out the next step now.  This time next year, I probably won’t be here.  And if I am, something monumental must have happened.

I’m not sure what the appropriate sentiment for this day should be.  I’m proud and anxious at the same time.  Let’s say inspired, and run with it.

“Hell is a teenage girl”

Acabo de ver Jennifer’s Body, la nueva película de Diablo Cody y, cuando vi a Megan Fox interpretando a una porrista poseída por un demonio carnívoro, me acordé de mis amigas. No es que sean criaturas del inframundo que se alimentan de sangre humana (por lo menos, no todas) pero, a veces, si se comportan como engendros infernales. Bueno, honestamente: no SE comportan, NOS comportamos.

Es bien sabido que la amistad entre mujeres resulta… conflictiva. Basta con hablar con una de nosotras sobre el tema para escuchar anécdotas que le pondrían la piel chinita a cualquiera. Yo, por ejemplo, me considero una persona pacífica, y sólo una amiga cercana me ha logrado enfurecer hasta el punto de aventarle el libro más gordo de la habitación a la cara, (“El médico” de Noah Gordon, para ser más exacta). Esta es sólo una historia en una vida llena de amistades que, desde que tuve la capacidad de socializar, han estado marcadas por peleas a muerte. Las disputas usualmente se resuelven en un periodo (nótese la elección de la palabra periodo) de entre quince minutos y un año; pero mientras dura la guerra, todo se vale.

¿Por qué sucede esto? No estoy segura, pero creo que tiene que ver con que nuestras perversas e intrigosas cabecitas funcionan de manera similar. Por eso, volviendo a la película, la mejor amiga de Jennifer es la única verdaderamente capaz de reconocer su crueldad y detener la masacre. Puede ser que las mujeres nos odiemos intensamente pero, incluso en casos de posesión demoniaca (o de síndrome pre menstrual), nos entendemos.

PARA LOS HOMBRES: Cuando la chica con la que quieren quedar bien les pregunte ¿Viste cómo me veía esa perra?, contesten “Sí, pinche vieja”. Esa mirada despectiva fue real, aunque ustedes no hayan notado nada.

PARA LAS MUJERES: No estamos locas, somos complejas.

PARA MIS AMIGAS: Cuento con ustedes para atravesarme el corazón con una estaca si me convierto en demonio/vampiro/zorra traicionera. Acuérdense que las comparé con Megan Fox y por favor, por favor, por favor… no se enojen conmigo.

Ma. Cristina Alemán

Letting the boys fool with stuff

I was going through photos again, looking for interesting stuff to post and I came accross our photos from the “Day Out With Thomas” train ride we took with the family and our good friends in July. Mateus has been wearing his commemorative t-shirts a LOT lately so I thought I’d share a little lesson I learned that day.

I tend to let the boys fool with more stuff than I should. I love watching them explore new things. It’s fun to see how they approach it. How they look, smell, feel, often taste, and listen to stuff is facinating. Throughout the day in Felton I filmed a ton of stuff. I filmed Thomas the Train pulling into the station, the kids blowing bubbles and playing with trains, a puppet show, our family, our friends, and a lot of our actual train ride.

While we were on the train our friend Brenda offered to take a photo of our family. While Xavian was on my lap he got a hold of our little Flip video camera (100% my fault). In the span of time it took to snap two photos of us, Xavian managed to delete the entire day’s worth of video. The funny part is that this photo shows him doing it. The little stinker. You have to go through several confirmation screens to delete all videos, yet somehow his sticky little fingers managed to do it. Needless to day I don’t let him play with quite as many things as I used to. I’m learning. Slowly.

relaxing

long weekend - lunch

i’m exhausted. it’s hard to relax when there’s so many things on the ‘to do’ list (the list that just keeps growing). the long weekend seems like it was ages ago and we had a few moments of calm then, i feel like it’s been crazy ever since. i’m hoping for some good news today and i’m hoping for more calmness. i know i shouldn’t be complaining… it’s hard work now for what could potentially be a once in a lifetime experience… but i’m just tired. i could go for another long weekend with an ice tea and a ‘montréal croque monsieur’ (which was something that alex learned how to make from one of his friends but i don’t think is actually a real thing because it doesn’t seem to exist on google)

Dulu

Hari ni I nak cerita sikit kat u ollz pasal kehidupan peribadi I. Ini cerita sensasi. Rugila kalau sesiapa tak pandai membaca sebab tak dapat baca blog I. Tapi cerita ni zaman dulu-dulu. I susah payah flashback balik kenangan I dulu-dulu semata-mata nak cerita kat u ollz. I belek-belek album lama dah berhabuk tak bersentuh. I kerobek-kerobek sampai I jumpa gambar lama I sebagai bukti cerita I.

Sebenarnya I pernah kawen dulu. Dulu. Memang sekarang I dah single. Tapi dulu I pernah kawen. Tapi jodoh I tak lama. I takdela sedih sangat sebab I tau I akan jumpa sugar daddy lelaki yang lebih menarik. Betul I tak kisah pun. Kteorang kawen 2 bulan lepas tu cerai. Nasib baik I tak mengandung. Kalau I mengandung mesti anak I tak hensem sebab ex husband I dulu bukan hensem mana pun walaupun dia mat salleh. Nama dia Tony. Nama Melayu dia I dah tak ingat sebab I cuma panggil dia Ton jek. I cuma ada sekepingjek gambar I dengan si Ton ni. Gambar lain I dah bakar-bakar. Bukan I bakar sebab geram dengan si Ton ni. Tapi masa tu I nak bakar ikan tapi tak de arang/sabut kelapa/ surat khabar so I pakaila gambar2 I masa kawen dulu buat bakar ikan. I longgok gambar kawen I banyak2 lepastu I bakar. Tapi ikan tu memang tak sedap kalau pakai gambar. Busuk. I buangje ikan tu. Nasib baik ikan kembungje. Takla sayang sangat I nak buang.

Tony ni mix mat salleh+chinese.  Tapi bukan kacak mana punkan? Kteorang kawen kat depan Masjid India.

U ollz kan tau betapa I ni sangat mementingkan penjagaan rambut. Tapi I cukup tak suka kalau ada orang tangkap gambar I. Ni gambar I terpaksa masa nak buat passport pergi Indonesia. Nak melawat si Ton tu la konon. Oh Tony asal Indonesia. Orang Indonesia ni memang………..(saja tinggal dotdotdot sebab I kan puasa, tak baik mencarut)

Selepas penceraian I, I bersyukur sangat sebab I ada kawan2 yang sangat happening bagi I support segala. Support semangatje duit tak kasi sebab masing2 kedekut konon nak kumpul duit untuk kawen dieorang.Tengok, Iffa selalujek konker nak dok depan masa bergambar. Pastu suka nak buat muka ceria segala. Tapi dia baik hati tau ollz. I suka dia. Ayu pula memang suka bergaya dengan kaca mata ala2 nicole ricot. Ayu selalu bagi I salin nota dia sebab I kan kaki tidur masa kuliah. Yang jelir2 tu Sal namanya. Dia ni kalau bab bergosip mengalahkan Mama Jawa Juwie. I suka gosip2 nih. Tengok Nana nampak humble gila dalam gambar ni. Nana ni memang semangat dalam segala hal. Bila I dengan dia aura dia sampai kat I sebab I pun akan ikut semangat. Liza oh liza. ‘Jah, cun gak hang pakai spek macam tu’.

Fear

I’m really scared right now. I’m not sure how or why or how to fix it. I just want it to stop. I’m afraid if I can’t stop being afraid, I’ll lose control. I can’t do that. I don’t know what to do. I don’t think I can do this on my own, but I don’t think there’s anyone I know who can help me or maybe they just don’t want to. I’m afraid that I need to do this on my own. I’m afraid this will never stop until *I* deal with this. Where do I start? Where do I go? What do I do? Why must I even do anything? Why doesn’t anyone understand? How do others stop being afraid? Why can’t I just stay in my bed and feel as though I might die tonight?

Sini Kamu !!

Ohhhhh , mau sweeping Malaysia yaaa ??

Ke sini kamu , nah rasakan ini !!

Gi mana ya kalo kami juga sweeping kamu – kamu semua , nyah dari Malaysia ??

Sorry friends , I just can’t help myself to show my protest too . That’s why I took the risk [will be locked in ISA mungkin , erkkk ??] and post this!!

p/s: For some reasons , I better not to overshoot and stop now !

Esok saja kawan – kawan

[Via http://elinelianto.wordpress.com]

iSuck

Ok, it’s been months since an update, i sincerely (not actually sincere) apologize; there’s been stuff going on and i haven’t been able to post (read: i’m a lazy ass fucker so i kept procrastinating the posts). Now, it’s obvious that i  can’t keep up with a streamlined post system as i’ve tried before; as much i could try for weekly updates, that’s too much until i figure out what to do with the blog.

Basically, i’ve used the blog for personal blogging and to advertize the projects i usually work on before,  but now that those aren’t enough i’ll have to find a different source of material to keep on a regular posting scheme.

I’m not up for plagiarizing and ripping other blogs, so i’ll have to be “original” for this one time.. I’ll think of the possibilities and start the new series of postings as soon as i can (hopefully, less than a week).

Ar.

[Via http://nafra.wordpress.com]