Again It seems I am at the crossroads of my life. Again my faith is asking me various obfuscated questions. Life never cease to surprise me and challenge my beliefs ..my faith..
Its not that I have not tried. Its not that I have not fought. Its not that I have lost or won. Its now, I guess becoming a question of my existence asking “how long?”
I fight for something each time I woke up in the morning with the belief , I can , and I will… but that thing in itself leaves me in a nomad’s land.. I wonder from where to draw energy from. sometimes the whole reason of a fight beats you to death.
In this whole process.. every single emotion of my soul is leaving me..drop by drop..I wonder when everything will be drained out of the whole system of this cosmic existence.
And when we ran out of the whole panorama of reasons.. we say its destiny..
Why can’t the two of us can be in a simple system of existence. I need you and you need me period. I want to live ..you want to live period. I want you to believe in me as I believe in you.. as I believe in US..
I didn’t take a ton of art classes in high school, even though I was convinced that I was going to be a graphic artist. My what-will-you-be-doing-in-10-years-quote in the yearbook was “subliminally seducing the minds of American consumers by airbrushing phallic symbols into Absolut vodka ads.” Truthfully, I didn’t even know how to use an airbrush (still don’t) and when this sophomore painting of a horse and rider required it, Mr. Snyder had to do it for me:
I painted this in Mr. Snyder's art class in 1988 when I was 15. It is freaking HUGE and has, therefore, never been hung.
Mr. Snyder taught art and was the yearbook advisor, so I spent a fair deal of time in his classroom throughout high school. When I was junior editor of the yearbook, we were the first class to use an Apple Computer to publish part of the book. Remember those tiny little screens? Before that, everything had been plotted out on pica paper. We still shot all of our photos on black and white film and two photogs spent hours every day in an actual dark room making prints to size. (My god, I’m remembering this tedious process and it pains me to even type it out.) So we had this one Apple Computer that the entire yearbook staff shared. We would do the layouts in Pagemaker, typing in all the copy and making borders for where pictures would eventually go. Then we would print out the page I think, or maybe put it on a floppy disk, who knows, and send it with the photo print(s) for that page to Jostens or whoever was doing the real work of turning our ideas into an actual book. So yes, even the technology of a scanner was beyond us in 1991.
Acid-washed jeans, mall bangs and a Joe Satriani concert t-shirt? Oh yeah, it was 1991, baby.
One of my most fondly remembered compliments was from a fellow classmate the summer after graduation when he told me, “That was a nice piece of yearbook.”
Mrs. Reid taught basketweaving and stained glass and ceramics. When it came time for ceramics, I clearly remember Mrs. Reid telling us that we were under no circumstances to make bongs and that she could spot a bong a mile away and don’t even try to pretend that you’re not making a bong.
So I did not make a bong.
Today I went to an art show in Bandon called The Teachers that featured art educators from in and around my hometown. Mrs. Reid and Mr. Snyder were there and even though I’m a grown-up and have kids, and have graduated high school and have a mortgage and pay taxes and everything…I still cannot bring myself to call either of them by their first name.
They’re still Mrs. Reid and Mr. Snyder and probably always will be.
And...just like high school, my mom was there with her camera. Here's me with Mr. Snyder.
Jeg har to fotoskoler jeg har planer om å søke på til neste år: bilder nordic i Oslo og fotofagskolen i Trondheim. Hva skal jeg gjøre hvis jeg ikke kommer inn på noen av dem? Jeg vet at jeg har skrevet flere slike innlegg om skoler/fremtiden/blahblah, men nå spør jeg virkelig. Hvilke alternativer har jeg? Folkehøgskole er uaktuelt for meg, og jeg har heller ikke tenkt å satse på musikken/fløyte. Jeg vil ikke bli noe annet, og derfor ser jeg heller ikke vitsen i å begynne på en annen utdanning som ikke er relevant. Det er selvsagt mulig med kunst/kunsthistorie etc, men.. Jeg vet ikke. Etter videregående, det er da livet skal begynne, er det ikke? Da vil jeg ikke ende opp på et studie som jeg misliker. Jeg er heller ikke særlig godt innstilt på å måtte jobbe et år.
